You have to find yours and stick to it

Your individual happiness and fulfilment is all that counts in the end.

I was recently talking to a friend about how anxious he feels about “lagging behind” his friends. He feels that most of his friends are ahead of him in one way or the other. You know, some have stable jobs/incomes, others have gotten married or are marrying soon, some already have their first babies, others are already on their second baby…

All these are achievements which he strongly feels that he should have accomplished but hasn’t. The pressure from his family does not help the situation either. Yes, he has a job that’s going on well but it is not really his dream job. He has a girlfriend but neither of them feels ready to get married, let alone have a baby. Yet, in his own words, “The pressure is so much that he just might make the mistake and accept the consequences.” I tried reasoning with him but made a point of letting him know that in the end, how he chooses to proceed is entirely up to him.

You see, the guy with a stable income happens to not have plans to get married any time soon. The guy with a baby had it out of wedlock. The guy with two doesn’t even have a job. On the other hand, he (my friend) has a job and a girlfriend who loves him dearly by his side. At least that’s something… Or is it not? Will we ever have enough? Does anyone ever have enough? Does anyone ever have their life figured out at any point in time?

Pressure from family, friends and the society will always be there. Your mother will nudge you to get married, then she will be eagerly waiting for a grandchild, then everybody will notice how lonely the child is, it needs a kid brother or sister. Your wife will want you to pull up your socks and build a home for them like your so and so friend. She will ask you to take a loan and buy a car you won’t afford to maintain. “Ata KAZ ni sawa tu…”

You may cave in to all this pressure and achieve all these things. But at what cost? What about you? What about your heart? What about your pocket? Where will your family, friends and members of the society be when you’re living beyond your means, trapped in one debt cycle after another, trying to make ends meet? Trying to feed a family that came too early or one you didn’t really want in the first place?

Where will they be when you’re sad, lonely, stressed, divorced at 35, holding on to your bottle of cheap liqor trying to postpone suicidal thoughts for just one more day? Will it all have been worth it?

You know this already but in case you need reminding, there are folks who get their dream job at 25 and retire at 40. There are others who struggle through life and and land their dream job or found a multi-billion business at 40. There are folks who get married at 20 and get divorced by the time they are 30. There are others who get married at 40 and live happily married till they draw their last breath. There are those who get married, fail to bring forth babies but live on happily married for the rest of their lives, with or without adopting a child. Others bear kids, choose to not get married but co-parent and end up raising them into responsible adults.

Everyone is on their own journey to their own destination. Find yours and stick to it. All the best!

Originally published by the author on his Facebook timeline on February 1, 2018.