“Real Men Suck It Up” And Other Lies We Use to Avoid Getting Help

Admit it—you often run into the dilemma of choosing between “manning up” and asking for help. And I am pretty sure that you almost always go for the former. I don’t blame you; we all do.

You see, growing up, we were discouraged from expressing our emotions, lest we come off as weak. It was not okay for boys to feel sad, afraid or vulnerable. Such emotions were suppressed. Consequently, we grew up not knowing how to express our emotions. Because we could not talk about them back then, we are not able to name them now. We don’t know how to describe what we feel. Keeping to ourselves seems easier, until it is not.

Black man in the dark
Keeping to ourselves seems easier, until it is not.


Here are some of the lies we use to avoid getting help.


“Real men suck it up”

But of course, they do! And how has that been working out for most that you know? Would we even be having this conversation if this strategy works? After years or decades of sucking it up, most men end up miserable, lonely and depressed. Let’s change this to: real men ask for help and accept it when it is offered.


“Therapy is for pussies”

The easiest way to influence a man to take action is by attacking his ego. No man wants to be perceived as weak. By using derogatory statements like “therapy is for pussies”, men effectively discourage each other from seeking professional help. Combine that with the other lies we tell ourselves, the strategy for avoiding help could never be more perfect.


“Whisky is so much cheaper than therapy”

Yea, right! Try coming up with a budget for a lifetime supply of whisky, while allowing for exponential rise in demand as addiction catches on. Sooner than later, you will realize that therapy is not only so much cheaper but also worth every last cent, when you become a slave to alcohol and have to spend so much more on recovery and rehabilitation.


“It is just a phase”

Is it now? I think what you meant to say was, “It is just one phase (of many).” No matter how much you deny the fact, you will soon realize that it only gets harder and harder as time goes by. You will wait for the phase to pass but the end will still not be in sight. It will only get better when you choose to take action. When you decide to seek help.


“I can get over this”

Yes, you can, but will you? I am a strong believer of positivity. A little positivity always goes a long way. But it is not enough to be positive. Positivity fast evolves into false hope. Combining positivity with positive action is the only way to really get over something.


Which other lies do you think men use to avoid getting help? Let me know in the comments section below.

Robert Kamaru

Robert is a freelance writer, blogger and e-preneur. He is interested in all issues mental health, lifestyle and online business.

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